Weekly World News

When Bat Boy is finally found—eyes
unfocused, sixth sense rabidly
clicking away—sharing a cave with Elvis
beaten down from a paparazzi’d afterlife
waving his soiled rhinestone cape like a soldier’s
white flag, when Bigfoot, D.B. Cooper, Hitler’s clone
unionize, agree to appear on a crop-circle set
for one ratings-rocking Oprah show...
when the world-weary alien refuses to endorse
a presidential hopeful, impregnates
a virgin who’s been frozen in an ice block
since the Kennedy administration...
we will know this is it, our kitsch Armageddon:
Oh bubble tea rosaries, oh bobble-head
saints, deliver my soul on a spork
to the icon with the biggest two-page spread.

“Weekly World News” was originally published in
Pontoon: an anthology of Washington State poets No. 7.

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